TOUCH FACTOR MASSAGE & BODYWORK
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I Did Not Come To be Danced
Joe Lavin
I want to share something I wrote trying to say thank you to a group of people that were a major part of my becoming a better bodyworker, toucher, connector and human being. It was in a five month training program with the Institute for Phenomenal Touch. It absolutely changed my life!
I think Tony says, something like "I am not your guru." In much the same way, I am not my clients healer. I have not evolved to some sacred level and I definitely do not have all the answers. I am, in fact, on much the same journey of healing, discovery and understanding as many of my clients. I have also been and still am being healed and discovering more about myself through massage, bodywork and meaningful physical connections. In case it needs to be said, these meaningful physical connections are intentionally non-sexual.
I think it is because of all of the discoveries, revelations, wonders and even shortcomings of my own personal journey that I can be of some help to others who are brave and vulnerable enough to explore how bodywork might help them along their way.
So here it is...
I was reading the poem by Jewel Mathieson that Mary so profoundly and dramatically shared with us on the first day of my Phenomenal Touch experience and it occurred to me that I did not come here to be danced, at least I did not think that was why I came...
I did not come to be danced!
But I was danced by some wondrous and amazing dancers.
It wasn’t a pretty dance, by any means, but it was a beautiful dance
It was a shake the dust off your life dance
A dance even if it does not make sense to your husband or your wife dance
A don't worry if you can’t stand up, we will get down on our knees and dance with you dance
A don't worry if you can't breathe, we will breathe for you dance
A don't worry if you don't believe in us, we believe in you dance
So yes, I was most definitely danced!
I did not come to be touched!
No, I came to touch, to get better at what I was already good at. To wrap my deepest needs in more layers of being able to meet other people’s needs. My seductively subtle form of self-medication.
But, instead I was deeply touched by so many truly Phenomenal Touchers, I was touched on the table and off the table. I was hugged, held, embraced, cradled, caressed, wrestled with and I even got some fantastic massage. World-class, life-changing, career altering massage.
So yes, I was touched, profoundly touched!
I did not come to cry!
But man did I ever. And you all just sat there and let me cry, you did not try to make things better, change the subject, or let me hide. No, you methodically and systematically broke me down by crying with me, caring for me, by acknowledging every ounce of my pain as you looked directly into my eyes and told me that I wasn’t broken, and I was beautiful. And I might not have believed you but for moments when you bravely wiped the tears off my face with his bare hands or when you actually kissed my tears with such tenderness that there was nowhere left to run to and no one left to hide from...
So yes, I cried!
I did not come to love or to be loved, and I don’t want to diminish this with any attempt at flowery prose, I just want you all to know that I feel so wonderfully loved and I love each one of you so deeply that it surprises me and quite honestly scares me just a little bit.
Lastly, it occurred to me that I did not come to walk the gauntlet or get inducted into the polish mafia.
But all of you, and especially you my dearest Gosia, touched both extremes of me so thoroughly, you loved, accepted and embraced my seemingly polar opposites, you actually celebrated and reveled in both of them...and you started this idea in me that maybe I just am both of these things, all of these things, that even though they seem to be so diametrically opposed to each other, maybe they are just different expressions of my truest self.
Maybe l am not broken, maybe I am alright, and maybe it just doesn't matter, because at this point, because of all of you Phenomenal Touchers and especially because of you, you beautiful Angel of polish divineness, I feel really beautiful!
The Importance of Community in the Massage Industry
I absolutely love it when a bodywork session transforms into something unexpected and wonderful. These are some highlights of correspondence between me and a recent client of mine after our first session. Everything is shared with permission and you can see more of Tanith's paintings here.....
I used to recommend some fairly intricate kinesio taping to help with posture modification for my clients but I have found that a simple posture correcting harness/brace does a fantastic job and are much easier to use. You do not need too heavy duty of a harness unless you have extra thick shoulder musculature, are looking for a more aggressive correction or are very active throughout the day. The nice thing is that you can try as many different posture correctors from Amazon as you want until you get the right fit and just return the ones that do not work for you.
I had an experience with a client shortly after a contentious moment in my country's political discourse (how is that for PC?) where I was actually compelled to end a session because I was not able to care for my client deeply enough to work out a better solution. So I wrote my client a letter which he has graciously allowed me to share here.,,,,
My client asked me how I would describe our Primal Unwinding session and I replied, "Like a celestial dance." Later, I unpacked that a bit more....
I took my daughter to the zoo the other day. We waited with the other people to see the cheetah walk out and stood in amazement as the cheetah did, well, nothing really. She just walked around, looked at us and then laid down. I imagined the cheetah wondering why there were people here to see her again, She didn’t feel that special. She had no idea what she was really made for, how fast she could run, what it felt like to be free, what a fierce predator she could be. She just had some sense that this crowd of spectators was interested in her so she should show up again, like she does every other day.
I love body rolling and think it is far superior to the many popular “foam rolling” strategies that I see a lot of people utilizing. My basic premise is that using different sized balls with different densities to strategically roll on, under and around your unique, 3-dimensional body will allow you to apply just the right amount of pressure in the specific places that you need it as well as helping you do some amazing stretches. Plus you can take your body rolling equipment with you wherever you go. If you are a proverbial road warrior, just deflate to miniature soccer balls, pack a small air pump and throw them in your carry on.....
It is 2021 and it is time for me to start sharing more of my thoughts about massage, bodywork and life with anyone who is interested. I do a lot of writing to process my thoughts about touch as well as my massage and bodywork experiences. Most of the time these writings end up living only in my journal or on my computer and I would like to give them a little more life, see how they blossom...or wither.